Boxes - Part 2

Continued from Boxes - Part 1

My counsellor, of course, didn't have the answer to my box conundrum.  Only I could work that out.  Nothing comes on a silver platter (except possibly sandwiches and canapes, but I was fairly sure they had nothing to do with the box).

This meant that I had to work it out for myself.  Sure enough, I did.

I have real issues with a few things in this world.  The real biggie is my loathing for people who don't use the brain they were bornn with.  It drives me insane.  There are so many things in this big wide world that you can learn, so many things that happen, why would you bury your head in the sand?

That was when I realised what the metaphor was.  The box is my life.  And at that moment, without sounding wildly melodramatic I realised that it was pretty much empty.  I didn't feel like I was achieving or learning or growing and somehow I wasn't taking responsibility for that.  I was happy to get home, slob out in bed watching tv and then complain that I wasn't getting anywhere.

That had to change and change straight away.

So I changed it.  I enrolled on two courses, one on the Alexander Technique and one on Forensic Psychology.  The Alexander Technique serves two purposes.  Firstly its a new thing to learn, but secondly and probably more importantly its something I can use.  I'm tall, my posture is shocking and the whole point of AT is to use your posture to improve your health overall.  I'm totally willing to give that a try.  The Forensic Psychology is just something I'm interested in.  If you set me down in front of the Crime and Investigation network, I'm a happy camper.  I love that stuff.  I don't know that its a career path that I'd look at going down but you  never know.

I realised that I was unhappy at work, but not really because I don't like my job.  Sure it frustrates me, but everyone goes through that.  I was unhappy at work because really, I was feeling totally unfulfilled at home and so had this massive expectation that I'd find a sense of fulfillment at work.  When I realised that wasn't happening I felt resentful.  Feeling that I can now find fulfillment through something other than my job, my outlook is different and I don't dread going to the office.

As well as all of the above, I joined the gym.  I've threatened to go for ages, but when the local gym here had a re-fit I decided that it would be a good time to start.  I've had a cold and a pulled muscle that stopped me going, but I start again tomorrow with a vengeance.

I'm not going to the gym to lose weight or run a marathon or anything as extreme as that.  I'm going because I need to keep the box that is my life in better shape.  Consider it a little french polishing, keeping everything shiny.

I explained all this to the counsellor and he was pleased that I'd worked through it all.  When I get to that point it means I stop going to the sessions which is a shame because I really love having an impartial person to talk through my issues with, but I can always go back if I need to.

The most important thing is that I actually feel better about everything.  I don't care what people  think of me and my chosen path at the moment because its my path and I chose it.  I'm not ambling, I'm walking towards something for the first time ever, in my adult life at least.  It feels pretty damn good.

So that was my box story.  I'm now off to write two assignments for my courses.  Look at me, all student-y.

Comments

[clarissa]

That is fantastic! The story, its content and the story itself. You had me in your grip, and it was happy grip! xx, c

[Beth]

Clarissa - Thank you! I wasn't sure if it'd end up being one of those posts that people didn't comment on because it was so rubbish, so its great to know that I kept at least one person interested the whole way through! :o) x

[Roses]

That sounds brilliant. Good for you. I can't believe anyone would find something negative to say about your choices, or your determination to take control of your life.

Thank you for the inspiration.

[KennethSF]

Congratulations! You seem to have unlocked the box. I can't wait to see what you'll fill it with over the years.

[Beth]

Roses - I think people always have something negative to say if you choose a path that is different to theirs. At the moment, I don't really care what everyone else thinks and surprise surprise, its much easier to be happy when you live that way! x

Kenneth - Thank you, I'm looking forward to seeing what I put in there myself! x