Why I don't belong at the Gym

In my previous post I mentioned that I'd joined the gym, which I have.

I haven't been very many times.  I've been ill, injured or busy and so it hasn't been top of my priority list but I plan on sorting that out.

Other than hating exercise, I have one other teeny problem with going.  Every time I do, it seems I humiliate myself.

A couple of weeks back when I was there, I decided that I'd go out to the pool, have a few minutes in the sauna and a little splash in the jacuzzi just to relax.  To get poolside, you have to use your swipe key and they're waterproof so it doesn't matter if you get it wet.

So, I sauna, I jacuzzi and then decide to go home.  I walk over to the gate to get back into the changing room.  There's a little black pad on the top of the gates, which looks like the one you swipe the key over.

I swipe.  Nothing happens.

I swipe again.  Still nothing.

I wonder if its because the key is wet, so I blow on it to try and dry it (I'm ina bikini and have no towel!).  Nothing.

After what felt like an eternity, a voice from the pool behind me shouts "Push the green button".

There was a green button on the front of the turnstile that you push and it opens.  I didn't see it.  How embarassing.

Thats not all folks, oh no.  It seems that I am destined to embarass myself at poolside.

Last time I was there, I decided that I'd go and sit under the jets that spray water down onto your shoulders/back.  I'm in the pool.  I push the button.  Nothing.  I push the button again.  Nothing.  I'm now looking up at the jet and pushing the button repeatedly to get it to work. 

You can guess what happens.  Right in the face.  Cue sound of me choking on water.

Fortunately there were only a couple of people who saw me and so I just pretended they weren't there and went about my business, trying to ease some of the tension that has taken up permanent residence in my shoulders.

After I'd finished in the pool, I go back to my locker and grab my shower stuff.  I had a nice shower and reached out of the cubicle to grab my towel...

Its at this point that I realise I have picked up a hand towel.  It doesn't meet in the middle.  Oh dear.

I try and work out how I'm going to hold the towel to maintain the most modesty and end up holding it at the back, so the line of bare flesh is the centre of my back and the crack of my ass.  Nice. 

I get back to my locker, put the key in and it won't go in all the way.  I fight with it for 20 seconds or so and eventually it goes into the lock.

Then it won't turn.  I've got half a towel on, my shower stuff under one arm and I'm trying to keep covered.  Its not happening.  I struggle on a bit longer and eventually decide that all I can do is drop the towel and shower stuff and put all my strength into undoing the lock.

I'm a gym disaster waiting for somewhere to happen...

Comments

[Peter]

Ha!

I would expect nothing less from a Tampa Bay fan.

[Beth]

Peter - I think I'd fit right in over there at the moment. That much talent and they can't win a game. Its shocking.

[Travis Erwin]

I've joined a few times but I'm always too lazy to actually go on a regular basis.

[Deb]

I never liked the gym thing. Always felt like a fish out of water there.

[Beth]

Travis - I know what you mean. I went this morning, but only made it as far as the jacuzzi and the sauna before deciding to call it a day. Maybe after Christmas I'll exercise properly.

Deb - I can understand that. To be begin with I felt like everyone was staring at the unfit girl in the corner, but then realised that none of them actually give a crap because they're all worried about how they look!

[Leah Vanessa]

I always feel like I'm going to push the wrong buttons on a machine and break it. The gym freaks me out so I invested in a gym quality bike and treadmill so I can exercise without embarrassing myself publicly.

[Beth]

Leah - If I had more space at home, thats what I'd have done too! I think it would have been cheaper.

[Ing]

Sorry but those tales were quite funny!

I keep thinking about joining a gym abut it's some of the Gym-Nazis there who freak me out when I visit in the past. You go on machine and someone impatiently waits and glares for you to get the hell off as they wanted to be on there first...

[Beth]

Ing - Yeah, they were pretty funny. I laughed about it once I'd got home on both occasions. I think I'd aim to annoy the gym nazis on purpose and do a couple of extra sets to make them wait. The gym I joined seems to be quite a friendly one so I can't complain!

[ruby]

I love the stories!

[KennethSF]

Poor thing! I've never had such embarassing episodes at the gym, but I frequently lock myself out from my apartment. In fact, I've done it so many times I become an expert at climbing back into my place through the kitchen window, accessible from the deck.

[Beth]

Ruby - Thank you!

Kenneth - Oh no! I do that too, usually spending time sat on the doorstep until one of my parents gets home!