Over the last couple of months, I've been back in counselling. Not for anything major, just a few issues that I wanted to work through. Fortunately, I feel as though I've got a lot of these things figured out now and things are starting to get back to more of an even keel.
Turns out, you have to change yourself when other people piss you off. Change how you respond to the situation. It sounds so simple when you put it like that.
As I left my appointment last night, I put my mp3 player on (I don't leave the house without it) and started my walk home. Its not far, maybe 5 minutes at the most.
I was probably only a minute away from my starting point and it started to rain. Not just drizzle but the huge raindrops that soak you to the skin in seconds, regardless of what you're wearing.
Other people walking nearby started squealing, ducking for cover under trees or running to get to their destination a bit quicker.
I didn't.
I kept walking at my normal pace. Linkin Park blaring in my ears and a total sense of calm. I don't remember the last time I felt that relaxed. I'm not sure Linkin Park wrote their music to make people feel calm, but it just happened to be playing.
I felt that after the best part of four months carrying the sensation I was holding my breath, I could exhale.
I'm getting back to being myself again, in fact I'm pretty much there. Its so draining when you're trying to let the calm element of your personality take over, but you can't because the stressed out side is so dominant.
The stressed out side is gone now, leaving only the extra 7lbs she helped me gain by encouraging me to comfort eat. Sadly, this means that calm Beth now has to be "calm and un-piggy Beth" to try and get rid of it.
Nice to be back to "normal". Less nice to be having slim fast for 2 meals a day.
Still, you can't have it all...
*had to put the spaces in the title, Typepad wouldn't display it without.
I'm so glad to hear you're feeling less stressed out and more calm....not so glad to hear you're having slim fast for two meals a day. Ick. I do however admire your ability to stick to that diet!
Posted by: ruby | Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 09:07 PM
Ruby - Thank you! Its actually not that bad. I found out today that the vanilla shakes taste like melted white chocolate, which is pretty cool.
Posted by: Beth | Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 09:16 PM
Woohoo. Sounds great. Keep on breathin'. Hugs, Rock n'Roll, & Peace.
Posted by: ellie | Friday, June 19, 2009 at 07:18 PM
The thing with counsellors is that you always know when you start but never when it stops or should be stopping. So I would rather work out my problems on my own.
Best luck on the weight, I think my mother and younger sister are headed that way too.
Posted by: Gany | Saturday, June 20, 2009 at 12:29 AM
Besides, most of the time I love rain. A little less on two wheels.
Posted by: Gany | Saturday, June 20, 2009 at 12:30 AM
Ellie - It is pretty great. I was starting to wonder if I was ever going to pull myself out of it, so I definitely feel more positive now.
Gany - Thank you, I'm on day 6 so far and I haven't caved so I'm feeling good about that. For me, I feel like I know when the counselling thing needs to stop. I've been off and on for about four years but other than when I first went and had some real shit to work through, I only go for a few sessions to get some perspective and then stop. I just like to have it there as a tool if theres a time that I need it.
Posted by: Beth | Saturday, June 20, 2009 at 12:54 PM
it's true of course.We can only CHANGE ourself...........
Posted by: tony | Sunday, June 21, 2009 at 01:08 PM
Tony - Welcome! Its absolutely true. I just wish I'd figured that out a few years ago!
Posted by: Beth | Sunday, June 21, 2009 at 02:52 PM
hey bethie! missed you girl. hope you are doing well. i think im back on the wagon so to speak!
so glad youre still around, the blogosphere is a better place for sure!
Posted by: Blush | Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 08:15 AM
Blush - Hey!! I'm doing very well thank you and I'm glad you're back. Look forward to hearing more about Jason and what you're up to very soon!
Posted by: Beth | Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 12:42 PM
Trust me, once you're your own calm self, fully comfortable with who you are, the excess you've gained will melt away--unless, of course, who you truly are happens to be a cookie-addict, in which case, God help you! ;-)
Posted by: KennethSF | Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 08:59 PM
Kenneth - I'm 6lbs down so far, but I'm having to work at it. Hopefully it won't take me much longer to get back to normal. Cookies aren't really my weakness, its the savoury stuff. Cheese, bread...that sort of thing. I'll be strong though!
Posted by: Beth | Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 11:54 PM